What if you could transform your personality – and your life – just by acting like the person you want to become? In Me, But Better, Olga Khazan chronicles her year-long experiment to test the science of personality change, pushing herself through new experiences – from improv to meditation – in an effort to go from anxious skeptic to radiant optimist. I’ve known Olga for years, and in this interview, she shares her biggest surprises, toughest challenges, and practical takeaways for anyone seeking to make a meaningful change in how they approach life.
What should people know about your work?
Me, But Better is a yearlong journey of my attempt to do something radical to improve my life and my mental health: Change my personality. Most people think of personality as something that describes them, but personality is also a tool to help you get what you want. For example, the trait of extroversion helps you go out and meet new people; the trait of emotional stability helps make you happier by reducing anxiety and depression. Research shows that by changing your daily habits and behaviors, you can change your personality traits and get more of what you want out of life.
Why is this work important?
Many people might want to achieve something – starting a new business, making more friends – but not know how to get there. Quite often, the roots of that kind of shift lie in the habits and behaviors that make up our personalities. The personality trait of conscientiousness can help you make better grades and progress faster in your career. Extroversion can help open up opportunities by expanding your social network. By changing your day-to-day thoughts, actions, and routines, you can change your personality, and you can reap the rewards that come along with being, say, a highly conscientious or extroverted person. In my book, I interview people who did just that. And, of course, I document my own experience in becoming more extroverted, agreeable, and emotionally stable.
What inspired you to take on this experiment?
I realized that I often snatched dissatisfaction from the jaws of happiness. I would have a perfectly fine day, marred by a few minor irritations – traffic jam, bad haircut, can’t find parking, etc. – and have a meltdown. I’d dwell on how terrible my life was instead of on how truly great I had it, in the scheme of things. I wanted to appreciate my life more and enjoy it more, day to day. A big part of that is changing your personality.
What was the most surprising thing you learned about yourself?
I learned that I’m not as big of an introvert as I thought I was. Before I began this project, I sometimes had nights where I was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. What I would do in those instances is retreat further into myself – I’d have a big glass of wine and watch TV alone for hours. But what I found – from forcing myself to leave the house to socialize for many months – is that I actually find it more replenishing to be around other people. It turns out I didn’t need to disconnect. I needed to connect. And this actually aligns with the research: Studies show that introverts often feel happier when they occasionally act like extroverts. So now, when I feel the lure of wine and TV, I phone a friend instead.
What would you want readers to take away from your story?
Personality change is something you can do, today, with whatever resources you have at your disposal and whatever time you have to achieve whatever goal you want. You don’t have to get a fancy gym membership. You don’t have to become a Toastmaster overnight. Just start behaving like the kind of person you want to be for just a few minutes every day. Before long, you’ll find you really have changed.
